Until Death Do Us Part

Thursday, October 05, 2017



I wonder if people realize the intensity and implications of “until death do us part”. These are some of the thoughts we have when we think back on the early days of our marriage. We were so young and dumb. We were convinced this was the end, the climax of life. What a wake up call we had. Things got tough, expectations weren’t met and things were different. We suddenly realized that life was hard and we were going to disappoint each other A LOT. And we were stuck until death? All of a sudden it didn’t seem like such a great deal. Marry someone and life would be “good”. Too many Disney princess movies growing up I guess. Now after so many years, I realize that’s why marriage is described by the Bible as an example of Christ’s relationship with His church.

We weren’t walking with God at this point. We knew of Him and recognized Him as important; got married by the church, kids baptized by 6 weeks, went to church every Sunday, etc. Hence our perception of God was that everything had to be perfect. Nothing was supposed to go wrong because we were following the checklist the world dictated. Being in “religion” meant doing everything right, putting whatever was in your wallet in the plate and smiling every time you saw the pastor. If we pretended everything was great than it was. But life was (and still is) truly a mess. A hot, incredible mess. The mess is real and it keeps us up at night. It has those moments we want to watch hundred of times over and the times we tend to distort in our brains in order to deal with them easier. This true reality is what helped my husband and I ache and understand that we needed God more than the air in our lungs. When we got to know Him, truly know Him, it was such a relief. God didn’t expect us to be perfect and always smiling. He knew we were going to mess up in every aspect of our lives, especially in our marriage. He knew what we would go through and He had a great plan for us.

So when we messed up as a couple the grace we showed each other became the same grace Jesus gave us. We fought to exemplify Christ to each other. When one of us was less “Christ-Like” the other picked up the slack. Especially with the children. We found that they sometimes brought out our poorest qualities, causing us to lose ourselves for the moment. We had to remember that one day they would leave us and we would be left with just each other. Therefore, as a couple, we had to work together to keep each other in check, while remembering to love one another. Date nights, nighttime walks, even sitting outside on the front bench became such an important piece of our relational culture. We needed time to talk to each other and not at each other. Our lives couldn’t be dictated and run by our trials and busyness because we would drift apart. God provided the glue to keep us together in the craziest of times.

Marriage is wonderful and amazing, but there needs to be the realization that it cannot be done alone. God has to be the center and the example for how you behave towards one another. The way you speak, seek intimacy and respect each other should reflect the heart of our Jesus. It is meant to be “forever” together on this earth until God takes us home. We must remember that God meant for our relationships like marriages, friends, and family to be a blessing because it is not good for “man to be alone”. Enjoy the gift He has given us. This makes “until death do us part” a joy throughout our lives as opposed to the drama and stress others treat it as.

Galatians 6:1-2 (NIV) “Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”




Rich & Yoly McCarthy




Juan Funes commented on 11-Oct-2017 02:02 AM
So true! Amen!

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